it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
