So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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