I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
