It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
