its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
