Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
