We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
