Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
