the condom got lost in my hair
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
