Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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