only if we run a train.
done.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
