all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize