6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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