apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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