I think I just saw someone hide a body.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
