She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
