No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
