he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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