The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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