I got chris browned last night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
being pregnant is like rehab
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize