Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
