ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
