I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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