i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
