Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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