yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
