he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
