..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
