sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize