I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
