so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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