I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize