Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
