Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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