just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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