OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
