My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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