I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
