would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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