Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
