u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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