I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
