Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
