I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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