Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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