So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
