I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
