it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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