There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
