He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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