Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
