I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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