He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
