Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize