Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
