it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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