Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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