your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
