4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i permit you to call me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
