i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
