worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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