if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
