i think my mom watched the whole time
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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