I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
