I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
