you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
