I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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