I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
